Trying something new today...

Today I listened and...

I tried something new...

Thai Bubble Tea.

I know I'm WAY behind on the the bubble tea craze,

but this tea also came with a new to me restaurant,

 a bowl of my favorite soup-

Vietnamese Pho

and

a lunch date with my man.

May your Halloween be filled with candy, spooks and laughter.

Happy Halloween!!

Today I listened...

Today I listened.

Today I painted.

Accountability is the key here

As I have been trying to get up the nerve to commit to The Intuition Project or My Intuition Project (the idea just came to me last Tuesday, still feeling out the name), I have been thinking about how I envision it. One thing that i know is that I want to be REALLY GENTLE with myself.

I don't want to scare away that voice that I have so longed to get to know. 

I also want to use my blog as a way to be accountable. That said, I don't want to stress about having to post every day. So, I am accepting from the get go that some days my post will be short and other days it may be a combination of days as I catch up a bit. I'm not looking to write a chapter each day, but just to make a note of what I did-

Accountability is the key here.

Some big things have already been coming up for me since my last post. First, I learned that it's not a good idea to post something at the end of the week that requires immediate follow up. The weekends are just too busy, and I ended up berating myself all weekend for 'failing already'.

But instead of running, or deleting my last post, I just stayed with my feelings and kept reminding myself to BE GENTLE. As I sat down with my morning pages this morning, I realized that I am trying to control things again. And that is bringing up some pretty big struggles. Hence the criticizing voices and then the one that says "I'm stepping in to help because you have already lost control of what is going on." I listened to that one several times this weekend, mostly at about 3:00 am.

So in the face of that voice, I'm here to play catch-up:

On Friday i sent a text to my husband that said, "I Love you.", just cuz I felt like it.

On Saturday, while in the throws of an elementary school carnival, I looked at him and said "Let's go to a movie tonight." We did. Had a great time. And made it home in time to hang with the kids before putting them to bed.

On Sunday, I ate one green apple, one hamburger, one piece of cherry pie, one piece of watermelon (sorry, this was beginning to read like "The Very Hungry Caterpillar"). Actually Sunday was quite the day. After getting back home with my 7 year old son from a trip to the ER due to a mild concussion, I listened to that voice that said "Keep him home from school tomorrow and just relax together around the house."

And now it's Monday and here we are. He and I have had a wonderful morning together. We wrote together and painted and now he is weaving and I am blogging. We have talked politics, literature and even chanted "Obama! Obama!" a couple of times. This is a day we will remember.

Today, I am listening to the voice that keeps telling me to slow down and be open to the day and know that the things that need to get done will get done, without my need to control the outcome.

Have a wonderful day,
Janna
xoxo

The Intuition Project - Day 1

Whew! It's been a LONG time since I've been on here. I have thought about my blog often and missed it many days. I am so happy to be back here and with something i am so excited (and totally scared) to be talking about.

(photo of sticker on my daughter's bedroom door)

My father has dedicated a large part of his career to risk management. He studied it, wrote books and articles about it and has consulted with businesses large and small about it. But, as with most careers, his work didn't stop at the office door. It carried over into his everyday life and, therefore, into mine.

Throughout my life, when I presented him with an idea or dream of mine, unless it was in compliance with his own standards of safety, his response was often a smile that said "You don't really know what you want, so let me tell you."

With 4 kids of my own, I know what it is like to want to protect your children. But I also know the difference between wanting to make your own clothes and walking down a dark alley at night.

The other morning I was lying in bed thinking about how to be supportive of my daughter in doing things that she wants to do that I have no interest or desire to be a part of. I don't want to put my beliefs on her, but I also don't want to drag everyone else around town and pretend to be that type 'A' mom who feels compelled to be involved in everything with her kids. I began to realize that my full participation is not necessary and that I can be supportive by making the time for her to go and being available to help her on my end. That's when it hit me...

when we negate the dreams of our children, we negate their innateness

and set them up for a lifetime of self-doubt

 I'm not saying indulge their every wish and desire. Asking for a new game system is totally different than wanting to learn how to silk screen shirts. These two come from totally different places and one will satisfy in the short term while the other is a skill that can be built upon and build self esteem just by learning and trying something new.

I also realized how this has carried over to my creativity and my struggles with wanting to find my true, unique voice. It's hard to listen to that voice when I keep hearing "You don't really know what you want, so let me tell you."

So, I have decided to start what I am calling The Intuition Project. I am committing to doing at least one thing a day where I act upon my intuition. I am not going to judge or critique that action, but just  listen and do it. The key for me is in letting go of the outcome and instead learning what it feels like to trust myself as well as providing a safe platform for my voice to speak out. Some days it will be a squeak and others a SCREAM. 

The idea of committing to this makes me what to pull the covers up over my head and hide. I have come up with a million reasons not to do this while writing this post. So, I'm seeing my hitting "Publish" as my first big step in listening to my intuition.

So here we go!